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Heart of Pornography Addiction


It is very important to know that most if not all sexual addictions, including pornography are rooted in a deep and excessive need for love. Often a persons heart issue is that they are empty of love. They also have a struggle to receive love in a way that it calms, nurtures and fulfill their hearts. Trauma and childhood neglect contribute to this inability to receive love. They may have love come their way, but they do not know how to actively receive it. 


Therefore, they are left empty and do not know how to process their emotions. Addictions numb us out to the point that we become disconnected to the pain and emptiness going on in the heart.


The Root of Rejection


Wherever we struggle to be loved and live in love, those places in our heart become captured by a “Rejection Mindset.”


Rejection is a way of thinking and living that happens when we have not been loved and affirmed in who we are. This breeds an unmet void that can only be filled with the love of God. Rejection turns our eyes to a counterfeit fix–usually beginning with performance driven living and then eventually some form of addiction to medicate the emptiness of our hearts.

We all know that porn does not satisfy our needs for love. When addiction kicks in, we become conditioned to follow a counterfeit rush, which is very different from the stabilizing and grounding work of true love. 


This rejection root arises out of a person’s lack of feeling loved, accepted and valued. Rejection thrives off of people who struggle with identity and have little love and value for themselves. This rejection usually comes into a person’s life through lack of a father’s love being established in the heart. When love has not been formed properly in someone’s life, rejection trains a person to live in a performance driven lifestyle, a way of living that leaves people empty at the end of the day.


Empty and broken places of our heart that are left unaddressed with look some kind of fix or rush to fill the void.


Healing the Root of Rejection


Rejection messes with your desires, making you a slave to lust. When the rejection root is recognized and cleansed more and more out of a person’s life, it can lead you to learning what true love is and what it means to let the Father’s love satisfy your heart.

Becoming delivered from sexual sin issues is not about chaining yourself down, but by actually filling your heart with what one really longs for—love, acceptance and identity. Rejection has taught people to look for a fix, because it breeds the lie that you are unloved and disconnected from love. 


The Problem is a Lack of Love


Uprooting rejection will over time detox the drive of searching for a rush to heal your heart. When the love of God comes to satisfy a person’s heart, they experience the relief that the sanctifying power of God provides in our life. It’s not about just running from the lust, it’s about facing it and allowing love to replace it.


But you will also need to learn what it is like to actually receive love and learn to be loved.


We have to get to the heart and not just chase symptoms.


I have witnessed men try to add web filtering software or take all their pornography and throw it in the dumpster, only later to find the person uninstalling the filter and the other guy hanging over the edge of said dumpster getting his magazines back. When the addiction urge engages, the person will do anything it takes to find that sexual fix.


We cannot defeat this stronghold with pure will and self-help. We must fight lust with what rejection has stolen—a revelation of the love of God in the form of acceptance, validation and approval.


Healing Desire


When rejection is removed and God’s love comes in, desire begins to slowly change. A longing for the purity of God becomes established in a person’s heart. Instead of just spending your life running from pornography, God can come and shift the desires in your heart, so that you no longer long for it.


This is what deliverance from rejection does, it allows you to love yourself and take your peace in the love of God. I heard a therapist once say when he was helping patients with sexual addiction, he does not even address lust in the beginning, that they are going to face their rejection issues. Cut the root system and the desire for porn will slowly lose its hold.


Dean a grateful believer in Jesus Christ striving for moral and sexual

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